BEST of fan fiction

The Scarlet Pimpernel For Dummies (best outta the lot, gotta admit)

Scarlet Ribbons (adorable!!)

The Death Of The Scarlet Pimpernel (it.is.good.)

Snow Ball Fight (comic relief)

The Night Before Christmas (basically a spoof poem on the original, but if you've read ANY of books it. is. SOOO. SOOOOOOOO. FUNNY)

El Dorado rant

SPOILER ALERT!!! DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE'NT READ EL DORADO!!!

I literally don't know what I adore more about this book ...

The fact that Percy connived a French guard to shave him so his wife wouldn't have to kiss whiskers when she visited him in prison ... or the fact that he throws a freaking putter mug at Chauvelin's face (I may have screamed) ... or the fact that Armand was the biggest little CRAP on the face of this world and Percy STILL trusts him with the love his life ...

Oh. Yea. 

OR, AFTER BEING BEAT TO A BLOODY PULP AND HIS ARM BEING PULLED OUT OF JOINT,  PERCY ACTUALLY GOES MORE THAN 16 DAYS WITHOUT HARDLY ANY SLEEP OR FOOD, RIDES IN A COACH FOR 3 DAYS TIED HAND AND FOOT, AND STILL MANAGES TO KNOCK OUT HIS HULKING OAF OF A JAILOR, PRETEND TO BE HIM AND DRIVE A COACH TO RESUCE HIS WIFE AND HER LITTLE FRENCH BAGUETTE-BRAIN OF A BROTHER, THEN SWEEPS HER OFF HER FEET AND BACK TO THE DAY DREAM AND OFF TO ENGLAND, GAAAADDDZOOKS! 

ALL, after saving the boy prince of France from the temple ... WHICH, the dude who had all the money of Austria at his disposal, COULD'NT. EVEN. DO.

And *ahem* Armand actually told him he didn't know how to love. 

HE SAID HE DID'NT. KNOW. HOW. TO. LOVE. 

HORRIFIED. HORRIFIED!! I COULDN'T CLOSE MY MOUTH FOR A FULL 5 MINUTES.

And Percy just admits he doesn't. HE DOESNT?!  WHAT?!?! After leaving his wife, HIS LOVE, for months (actually at the end of the series it's about 2 years since he returned from France), no thought of how much he may have wanted to just stay and be safe with her at his beautiful house, but kept on for her country and people who weren't his?! After he legit lets himself get beat stupid so he knows she's fine?!?! 

AND HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO LOVE?!?!  

Love, right there, kids.

*rolls up sleeves* 

Armand St. Just, get ready for my fisted vengeance in thy freaking French face!!!!! 

(Kidding, major jerkface but the poor guy was in love, sooooooo... Yea I'm still mad at him)

AND the whole time, England thinks he's a stupid, sassy fashion diva, while he's sneaking aristos out of legitimate hell. And he's ok and chill with that because... 

HONOR. 

Sir Percy Blakeney, for all ya'll who haven't read the books. READ THEM. Imagine him just snapping in Z formation cuz ... He's got it all. 

I rest my case.

Thank you and good night. 

(... and don't even get me started on Marguerite!!!)

Eldorado: A Summary By The Abilaine

This is completely idiotic.

Bye.

__________________________________________________________________________________________

(Secret town house in Paris, the league is gathered)

Percy - "Armand, we're goin' Frenchie trippin', wanna come?

Armand - "But I met this pretty girl and-"

Percy - "Yes, yes, that's nice, I'm married to the prettiest chick in France, so suck it up, my love impaired bro-in-law..."

Armand - "NO. You don't understand me ..."

Percy - "But-"

Armand - "YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BORING, BORING, BORING, whatever, I'll go..."

Percy - *facepalms and mutters incoherently about being teenagers these days and there dating habits*

(Chauvelin comes to visit Marguerite)

Chauvelin - "Hey, babe, so had my cronies beat your hubby up, chuck him in prison, and we're starving his hunky physique until he tells us where the brat is, wanna visit him?"

Marguerite - *snifs* You little crap, shut up."

Chauvelin - "Right, so around 5? Great, byyyueeeee..." *menical laughing as door closes* 

Marguerite - *tramatized kitten sobbing* "MAH POOR PERCY-POOHS!!!"

(Marguerite visits Percy in prison)

Percy - "Hey, Margot, bring me any McDonalds?"

Marguerite - "Sorry, baby, Chah Chah would'nt lemme keep the chicken nuggets and side salad, scared you'd saw through the bars with the plastic cuterly..."

Percy - "Yea, sounds like him... Oh well. COME HERE..." *smacky kisses*

Marguerite - *le sigh* OooOoHh, you even my Romeo when you're a jail bird..."

Percy - *wiggles eyebrows* "Chah, little mama. But a cheeseburger would hit the spot..."

Marguerite - *rolls her eyes* Really, you're Elvis impression stinks, babe..."

Percy - *faints in sustenance deprivation* 

Marguerite - "I'M SORRY, MY LOVE, I DIDNT MEAN IT. PERCY?! Percypoohs? Ahhhh..."

Percy (poohs?) -  *pops one eye open* "Kidding"

(Chat Chah and Percy talk)

Chauvelin - "Write the thing."

Percy - *crosses arms* Not writing the thing. 

Chauvelin - "WRITE THE THING."

Percy - *tweaks nose* "HA HA HA, nope."

Chauvelin - *grins evilly* "Cute Margot's waiting for her date at McDonalds and you're gonna be laaaaaaattteeee..."

Percy - *throws sippycup at him* NOPEERDO, Chah Chah, not unless I get some chicken nuggets, and a mocha frappe, and A SIDE SALAD, AND-"

Chauvelin - *facepalms* FIIIIiiiiiiinnneeeeee, just SHUT. UP."

Percy - *grins* Yay. *writes the thing*

(Percy's letter to Armand)

  Dear Lover Boy,

  I know you betrayed me, saw me get beat to a bloody pulp, and gagged (which, was all your fault, man, I'd feel major shame right now), all for your new girlfriend, but don't let Margot get hurt and I'll bust outta prison ASAP.

Don't worry, I got this whole thing. 

  You big bro-in-law,

(*eraser marks and smiley face over "Percy-Pooh's")

~THE SCARLET PIMPER-BAIL

P.S.   That was punny. No? Ok. But seriously, you better bail me outta here, they don't even serve McDonalds ...

(Somewhere on the rode, after the escape)

Percy - *flinges open carriage door with dramatics* Margot, honey cheeks, TADA!! I'm free, we're all free, YAY FOR ME! Fooled Chah Chah again! Weeeee! Why aren't you celebrating me...? Let's go get McDonald's, I'm STARRRVVING, takes a lot being this heroic and dashing..."

Marguerite - "I'm in heaven, ain't I?" 

Percy - "No, babe-"

Marguerite - "Armand, look, Percy's ghost still loves me..."

Percy - "Wahhaaaa? No, no, cream puff, I-"

Marguerite - *sighs* Now if we move to an opera house he can haunt my mirrors and make me sing for him ..."

Percy - "What?"

Armand - *snorts from somewhere in the carriage* "What?"

*dramatic interlude of Phantom Of The Opera starts playing* 

FIN.